• Air Mapster
  • Zippy MacPhee
  • Byondo 42

Ride Stats

Elevation gain:  1598 ft
Distance:  11.87 mi
Average grade:  5.4%

Past Rides

BIKE GOD Theatre

The theatre is closed due to muddy conditions.

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Just days after torrential rains, the BIKE GODS sneak into the park and prepare to conquer the slippery, muddy trails of Chino Hills. As if that weren't enough, they plan to do this mud-ride through the most dangerous region of the park.

A plane flies on a surveillance mission overhead, watching for unauthorized park visitors. Chino Hills State Park is closed due to extremely muddy conditions. For their own safety, it is imperative that guests do not attempt to slog through this muck, lest they get stuck.

The pilot recognizes the BIKE GODS on the trail and gives them the thumbs up.


Here we see a perfect example of the perilous trail conditions today: one false move would send a lesser skilled rider down the mountain to a certain death. The BIKE GODS, of course, navigate this obstacle with ease.

Off in the background we see the lifeless and colorless Dead Fields of Chino Hills. Only the most brave dare to venture there. It is, of course, where the BIKE GODS are headed today.

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Zippy MacPhee pushes extra hard, keeping his bike moving through several inches of deep, deep mud. Maintaining motion under these conditions, while going uphill, is seriously impressive!
Byondo follows suit, crossing this raging river before continuing up the muddy trail. The river marks the outer limit of the Dead Fields.
An additional benefit of the recent precipitation is the striking green hue of the new grass that is growing, full of life. Here, on the outskirts of the Dead Fields, the green grass can survive for a few short months of the year. The contrasting colors are starkly beautiful.
Zippy MacPhee effortlessly transports himself up this extremely rutty section of trail. As the BIKE GODS grow nearer to the heart of the Dead Fields, they notice less upkeep of the trails, resulting in more difficulty and fun.
Byondo does the same, utilizing the controversial "Flintstones" method for extra points. Note the huge rut in the lower left corner of the frame: no problem for a BIKE GOD!

Byondo is nearly invisible in this photo as he disappears up the hill, into the eerie sea of grey on green.

The Dead Fields grow stronger with each passing meter as the trail, originally constructed by BIKE GODS thousands of years ago, grows narrower. Insanity creeps in from all sides as the green carpet of life soon retreats; perception is distorted and things are no longer as they seem in this wasteland of grey. It takes a strong will to maintain focus. The BIKE GODS press on.

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After a harrowing ride, the BIKE GODS successfully emerge on the other side of the fields. Amazing feats of courage, valor, and Gatorade were necessary to conquer the hazards within. Unfortunately all photographic evidence of this was lost - surely an effect of the fields' nefarious power.
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Back on the main trail, Air Mapster documents the fact that he was here, too.
Byondo looks a little worn after that incredible journey through the Dead Fields.
He takes a moment to enjoy the stunning magnificence of the snowcapped mountains off in the distance. Surviving multiple brushes with death, as the BIKE GODS did today, often allows one to more easily appreciate the little things in life.
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Zippy MacPhee finishes the ride with a hearty thumbs up.