- Zippy MacPhee
- The Russian Rocket
- Air Mapster 10
BIKE GOD Theatre
Still in production...
The three BIKE GODS take this opportunity to have a good laugh over last week's tense showdown between Byondo and Zippy MacPhee. As you may recall, these two got into a heated argument over who was supposed to wear red that day. They nearly came to blows as Byondo derisively suggested that Zippy MacPhee should have worn green to complete a red/yellow/green traffic light triple play.
So today, Zippy dutifully wore green, hoping to smooth over the explosive events of last week. Imagine his surprise and disappointment when he saw that Byondo wore not red, but blue. What was the point, then, if his green wouldn't complete a traffic trio of color?
Ah, but Byondo cleverly planned it all out this way. He knew that today was the anniversary of the Ziploc® bag, an invention that goes back many generations in Zippy MacPhee's family. Predicting that the Zipster would wear the green as a gesture of good will, Byondo preemptively returned the good will by honoring Z-Mac's family heritage and their company's famous slogan, "Yellow & Blue Make Green." Zippy could hardly contain his delight when he recognized the thoughtful homage.
Zippy MacPhee points out the direction of his family's old Ziploc® farm on the east coast, while Byondo builds enough of a lead to avoid another costly locker.
Later, at dinner, Zippy tells many old stories of his family's proud Ziploc® heritage. Did you know that Ziploc® bags were originally invented thousands of years ago by his great-great-great-great-grandfather, "Cranberry" Zippy MacGee?
Legend has it that Cranberry Zip used to ride up to the cranberry fields at the top of the mountain to get himself some of his favorite fruit. But the ride down was so treacherous and so blindingly fast that his cranberries always fell out of his bag before he got home. He needed something with an incredibly tight and strong seal, a bag that could withstand the extreme rattles and bumps on the way down.
So one day, Cran-Zip remembered the ancient BIKE GOD tablet whose cryptic inscription had been studied by generations of BIKE GOD scientists and philosophers. Many theories regarding its true meaning were proposed, but none had seemed unlock its mysteries. The inscription read:
Those who ride
Lock secrets inside
A stronger hold shall never be seen
Cran-Zippy stayed awake for the next 1,000 days and 1,000 nights trying to decipher this riddle. The conventional wisdom was that the BG stood for BIKE GODS, but nobody had come up with a plausible explanation of the Y. C-Zip began exploring alternatives. What if the BG did not stand for BIKE GODS? After all, the very next line was surely talking about them anyway.
Then finally, in a moment of BIKE-deprivation-induced clarity, Cranberry Zip saw three colors in a vision. Green was surrounded by yellow and blue. "Of course!" he shouted, remembering his days as a young BIKE GOD in BIKE school, where he learned that yellow and blue make green. Y B G.
Excitedly, he gathered three BIKE GOD volunteers, gave them colored shirts to wear, and arranged them in the proper order. Suddenly, ancient BIKE GOD magic was unleashed in a profound historical moment. The three volunteers were indeed locked together so tightly that only the strength of a BIKE GOD could free them.
Zippy MacGee quickly discovered how to harness this locking magic, and began building his bag farm next to the cranberry fields. He infused the soil with the YBG, creating the world's first bags that would lock absolutely tight.
Of course, in those days, the bags' sole purpose was to carry cranberries down from the top of the mountain during the harvest season. These cranberry bags, as they were called, fueled an explosion in the popularity of cranberries among BIKE GODS. Every fall, Zippy MacGee would tell the other BIKE GODS that he was heading up to the cranberry bags to pick some cranberries.
The BIKE GODS of those days spoke with a peculiar accent such that the word bag always sounded like bog, a word that didn't really exist. Soon, the words cranberry bags were misheard as cranberry bogs. Other BIKE GODS eventually forgot about the bags, assuming that cranberry bogs were the actual fields where the cranberries grew and were harvested. And this is how the word bog came to be. In modern times, it is actually a faux pas to use the word field to describe the place where cranberries grow; it is now always a bog.
On his death bed, old Cranberry Zip was frustrated that his great invention of the cranberry bag was forgotten. He decided that the bags could be used for general purposes, not just for taking cranberries down the mountain. His son, Zippy MacDeedle, carried out old Cran-Zip's last wishes by expanding the bag farm and renaming them Ziploc® bags, in honor of their inventor.
The Ziploc® farm quickly expanded in size, taking over the land that was once home to the cranberry bogs. The cranberries were moved to the lower flatlands to make room for more bags - ironically eliminating the original need for those bags. But the Ziploc® business was booming, as the bags proved useful for just about everything else, even if no longer to bring cranberries down from the mountain.
Today, Zippy MacPhee's uncle, Zippy MacVeebs, still runs the Ziploc® farms on the east coast. It's also said that some of his distant relatives may still be involved in the cranberry business in some capacity; even Z-Mac himself worked the bogs one summer, gaining a greater appreciation for that facet of his family's great history.