• TsaiBorg
  • Byondo
  • Grassman
  • Zippy MacPhee
  • Russian Rocket
  • Air Mapster 58

Race Stats

Distance:  3.8 mi
Time:  35:23
Team Place:  61st
# Teams:  300

Past Races

BIKE GOD Theatre

The theatre is closed this week due to excessive mud.

f00.jpg The BIKE GODS are at it again, challenging themselves to compete in another running race where they won't be the overwhelming favorites to crush the competition. Last time we learned that the BIKE GODS do not excel at every physical sport outside of mountain biking. Competing in such events outside their comfort zone provides a nice change of pace compared to their universal domination in mountain biking.

Today's run provides an extra treat for our heroes because it's the Irvine Lake Mud Run, combining something difficult (running) with something familiar and comforting (mud). BIKE GODS, of course, love mud, and will jump at any chance to get down and dirty. The mud is even enough to entice TsaiBorg, who hasn't joined us for an event in almost 9 years! Everyone's very excited to have him with us today.

In homage to the school where most of our group got their Bachelors of Biking degrees, Heavy Mudd College, today's mud run team is christened There Will Be Mudd.

f05.jpg f06.jpg f08.jpg f07.jpg f09.jpg f10.jpg f11.jpg f12.jpg f13.jpg f14.jpg f15.jpg f16.jpg f17.jpg f18.jpg f19.jpg f20.jpg When competing in a race without spokes and wheels, the BIKE GODS need every advantage they can get. Grassman uses his artistic talents to made nerdy looking symbols on the backs of everyone's shirts. Hopefully this will lull our competitors into a false sense of security, assuming that our team will be very bad at running in the mud.
f04.jpg f22.jpg f21.jpg Looking very sharp, the team is ready to go. Roadmaster B and Mrs. Mapster are excited to watch us kick some butt.
f25.jpg f24.jpg f23.jpg f26.jpg The BIKE GODS line up for wave 26, shoving other runners and jockeying for position to make sure they'll be able to start at the front of the wave. From here, it's a waiting game as the first 25 waves of the race go ahead.
f27.jpg f28.jpg f29.jpg Finally, wave 26 reaches the starting line. A Mike Tyson wannabe tries to intimidate his foes by wildly swinging the wave sign around, but the BIKE GODS are having none of it. They remain cool and collected, knowing that the ear eater will only be getting a dust sandwich once the gun fires.
f30.jpg Grassman takes this opportunity to wildly twirl around and amaze everyone with his incredible angular velocity. The crowd in wave 26 begins to get a little nervous as they realize these "nerds" might be better than they appear.
f31.jpg Zippy MacPhee then grabs the microphone to reveal the stunning truth: team "There Will Be Mudd" is going to win this wave, and nobody will be able to stop them! Concerned looks appear among the legions of runners behind.
f32.jpg f33.jpg f34.jpg f35.jpg f36.jpg And they're off! Staying true to Z-Mac's word, team There Will Be Mudd quickly disappears around the bend, leading all runners for the first critical stretch of the race.
f37.jpg f38.jpg All alone at the front of wave 26, Zippy and the Russian Rocket pad their lead, never letting up.

In the background looms Vulture Hill, so named for the scavenging birds that circle high above, waiting for exhausted runners to collapse as they succumb to its punishing vertical incline. The BIKE GODS look forward to tackling this challenge later in the race after the course winds around for a few miles of mud and obstacles. Runners from previous waves can be seen making the arduous struggle to the top.

f39.jpg They've already passed the first group of stragglers from wave 25. Zippy and the Rocket continue their punishing pace, leaping over this obstacle with ease.
f40.jpg f41.jpg The first real mud of the course is a welcome sight for team There Will Be Mudd. Now nobody can claim their team name is a lie! Running through these pits, the BIKE GODS dream of one day biking through such fantastic sludge.
f42.jpg Suddenly TsaiBorg takes off ahead, disrupting the team plan to stay together. Byondo's a little miffed at the change in tactics. What's he doing? This is not what was agreed upon!
f43.jpg Zippy MacPhee surges ahead to try to catch up to TsaiBorg, but it's no use. The Borg is just too strong!
f44.jpg f45.jpg TsaiBorg continues to widen the gap as the rest of the team slides down this slippery slope and into the next mud pit.
f47.jpg f46.jpg An unseen dropoff at the bottom of the mud pit slows down Byondo and then Z-Mac, while TsaiBorg pulls away again. The Russian Rocket gives it his best try, but he must take the drop area slowly to avoid getting tripped up like his teammates.
f48.jpg Near the end of the course, TsaiBorg emerges from the car wash obstacle, defiantly flaunting his first place status among the BIKE GODS team. His plan to secure individual, rather than team glory seems to be coming to fruition, much to the chagrin and fury of the other There Will Be Mudders. This was supposed to be a team effort!
f49.jpg But wait, what's this? Suddenly Air Mapster emerges right on TsaiBorg's heels. Hold everything, we have a real race to the finish now! The Borg looks back at Mapster in disbelief, worried that his plan is now in jeopardy.
f50.jpg f51.jpg f52.jpg It's a monumental struggle through the last massive mud pit. Who will come out ahead? TsaiBorg uses every tactic he can think of, including improper standing technique, so maintain that slim lead over Air Mapster. Will it be enough to ensure his individual glory at the expense of the team?
f53.jpg Once again widening his gap, TsaiBorg turns around one last time to taunt Air Mapster. "Victory is mine, and mine alone!" he yells.
f54.jpg Air Mapster struggles to make up what seems a now insurmountable lead for TsaiBorg. He musters every last ounce of strength to keep going. Is it too late? Is the dream of a team finish over?
f55.jpg f56.jpg f57.jpg f58.jpg f59.jpg f60.jpg Meanwhile, three team members emerge from the car wash, clearing the suds from their eyes to watch the drama unfold up ahead.
f63.jpg f62.jpg f61.jpg And then, in a flash of speed and agility, Air Mapster bursts ahead, reaching TsaiBorg and crossing the finish line at precisely the same time. Sorry, no individual finish for you; it's a team finish after all!
f64.jpg f65.jpg f66.jpg f67.jpg
Zippy, Byondo, and the Russian Rocket explode through the last mud pit, energized by the team finish they have just witnessed. In no time they are also across the finish line.
f68.jpg TsaiBorg clarifies his true motive for seemingly taking off like a traitor against his team. He knew that this would be the best motivation for the other BIKE GODS to run as hard as possible, thus ensuring the fastest team time. He correctly predicted that his teammates would gather all their strength and keep up, culminating in a true team finish. All is forgiven as this explanation makes perfect sense. Well done, There Will Be Mudd!

Hey wait a minute, where's Grassman? We haven't seen him since the start of the race.

f71.jpg f70.jpg f69.jpg
There he is! Turns out he stayed behind to gather extra mud and rally for the freedom of his Scottish kinsmen. Nice job, Sir Wallace!
f72.jpg f73.jpg It was declared from on high that There Will Be Mudd. And there was. It was Good, and the people rejoiced.