BIKE GODS: Irvine Lake Mud Run 4/11/10

The BIKE GODS are at it again, challenging themselves to compete in another running race where they won't be the overwhelming favorites to crush the competition. Last time we learned that the BIKE GODS do not excel at every physical sport outside of mountain biking. Competing in such events outside their comfort zone provides a nice change of pace compared to their universal domination in mountain biking.

Today's run provides an extra treat for our heroes because it's the Irvine Lake Mud Run, combining something difficult (running) with something familiar and comforting (mud). BIKE GODS, of course, love mud, and will jump at any chance to get down and dirty. The mud is even enough to entice TsaiBorg, who hasn't joined us for an event in almost 9 years! Everyone's very excited to have him with us today.

In homage to the school where most of our group got their Bachelors of Biking degrees, Heavy Mudd College, today's mud run team is christened There Will Be Mudd.

When competing in a race without spokes and wheels, the BIKE GODS need every advantage they can get. Grassman uses his artistic talents to made nerdy looking symbols on the backs of everyone's shirts. Hopefully this will lull our competitors into a false sense of security, assuming that our team will be very bad at running in the mud.

Looking very sharp, the team is ready to go. Roadmaster B and Mrs. Mapster are excited to watch us kick some butt.

The BIKE GODS line up for wave 26, shoving other runners and jockeying for position to make sure they'll be able to start at the front of the wave. From here, it's a waiting game as the first 25 waves of the race go ahead.

Finally, wave 26 reaches the starting line. A Mike Tyson wannabe tries to intimidate his foes by wildly swinging the wave sign around, but the BIKE GODS are having none of it. They remain cool and collected, knowing that the ear eater will only be getting a dust sandwich once the gun fires.

Grassman takes this opportunity to wildly twirl around and amaze everyone with his incredible angular velocity. The crowd in wave 26 begins to get a little nervous as they realize these "nerds" might be better than they appear.

Zippy MacPhee then grabs the microphone to reveal the stunning truth: team "There Will Be Mudd" is going to win this wave, and nobody will be able to stop them! Concerned looks appear among the legions of runners behind.

And they're off! Staying true to Z-Mac's word, team There Will Be Mudd quickly disappears around the bend, leading all runners for the first critical stretch of the race.

All alone at the front of wave 26, Zippy and the Russian Rocket pad their lead, never letting up.

In the background looms Vulture Hill, so named for the scavenging birds that circle high above, waiting for exhausted runners to collapse as they succumb to its punishing vertical incline. The BIKE GODS look forward to tackling this challenge later in the race after the course winds around for a few miles of mud and obstacles. Runners from previous waves can be seen making the arduous struggle to the top.

They've already passed the first group of stragglers from wave 25. Zippy and the Rocket continue their punishing pace, leaping over this obstacle with ease.

The first real mud of the course is a welcome sight for team There Will Be Mudd. Now nobody can claim their team name is a lie! Running through these pits, the BIKE GODS dream of one day biking through such fantastic sludge.

Suddenly TsaiBorg takes off ahead, disrupting the team plan to stay together. Byondo's a little miffed at the change in tactics. What's he doing? This is not what was agreed upon!

Zippy MacPhee surges ahead to try to catch up to TsaiBorg, but it's no use. The Borg is just too strong!

TsaiBorg continues to widen the gap as the rest of the team slides down this slippery slope and into the next mud pit.

An unseen dropoff at the bottom of the mud pit slows down Byondo and then Z-Mac, while TsaiBorg pulls away again. The Russian Rocket gives it his best try, but he must take the drop area slowly to avoid getting tripped up like his teammates.

Near the end of the course, TsaiBorg emerges from the car wash obstacle, defiantly flaunting his first place status among the BIKE GODS team. His plan to secure individual, rather than team glory seems to be coming to fruition, much to the chagrin and fury of the other There Will Be Mudders. This was supposed to be a team effort!

But wait, what's this? Suddenly Air Mapster emerges right on TsaiBorg's heels. Hold everything, we have a real race to the finish now! The Borg looks back at Mapster in disbelief, worried that his plan is now in jeopardy.

It's a monumental struggle through the last massive mud pit. Who will come out ahead? TsaiBorg uses every tactic he can think of, including improper standing technique, so maintain that slim lead over Air Mapster. Will it be enough to ensure his individual glory at the expense of the team?

Once again widening his gap, TsaiBorg turns around one last time to taunt Air Mapster. "Victory is mine, and mine alone!" he yells.

Air Mapster struggles to make up what seems a now insurmountable lead for TsaiBorg. He musters every last ounce of strength to keep going. Is it too late? Is the dream of a team finish over?

Meanwhile, three team members emerge from the car wash, clearing the suds from their eyes to watch the drama unfold up ahead.

And then, in a flash of speed and agility, Air Mapster bursts ahead, reaching TsaiBorg and crossing the finish line at precisely the same time. Sorry, no individual finish for you; it's a team finish after all!

Zippy, Byondo, and the Russian Rocket explode through the last mud pit, energized by the team finish they have just witnessed. In no time they are also across the finish line.

TsaiBorg clarifies his true motive for seemingly taking off like a traitor against his team. He knew that this would be the best motivation for the other BIKE GODS to run as hard as possible, thus ensuring the fastest team time. He correctly predicted that his teammates would gather all their strength and keep up, culminating in a true team finish. All is forgiven as this explanation makes perfect sense. Well done, There Will Be Mudd!

Hey wait a minute, where's Grassman? We haven't seen him since the start of the race.

There he is! Turns out he stayed behind to gather extra mud and rally for the freedom of his Scottish kinsmen. Nice job, Sir Wallace!

It was declared from on high that There Will Be Mudd. And there was. It was Good, and the people rejoiced.

Distance:		3.8 mi
Time:		35:23
Team Place:		61^st
# Teams:		300