- Zippy MacPhee
- Air Mapster
- Helmetless Bob 15
|Elevation gain:||1281 ft|
BIKE GOD Mappery
Today is a special holiday for the BIKE GODS: it's their Independence Day, when they celebrate their Declaration of Independence from the oppressive Flat-Footed Empire, thousands of years ago. In this momentous historical document, the BIKE GODS of the era asserted their "right of revolution" — that is, the right to ride two revolving wheels:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all BIKE GODS are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Bikes, Victory and to wear shorts of Bagginess.
Chief among their specific complaints was the Empire's practice of collecting taxes on wheels while simultaneously prohibiting them from spinning. The phrase "No taxation without rotation!" became popular among the BIKE GODS of the time. This discontent ultimately led to the Revolutionary War — the fight for the right to revolve — and the creation of the famous document.
The timely invention of spoked wheels with knobby tires gave those ancient BIKE GODS a decided advantage in the War, allowing them to conduct raids from the hills while the red-coated FlatFeet marched as sitting ducks in the lowlands.
Today, the traditional BIKE GOD celebration calls for a ride early in the day, followed by fireworks in the evening. The fireworks often follow a radial pattern in honor of the spokes that helped them win their independence so many thousands of years ago.
Meanwhile, Negatory stays true to his word, choosing Not to attempt this monster. He'll meet us around the other side.