Attendance
- Zippy MacPhee
- Byondo
- Air Mapster
- Negatory
- Helmetless Bob 15
Ride Stats
| Elevation gain: | 1281 ft | |
| Distance: | 8.65 mi | |
| Average grade: | 6.0% |
BIKE GOD Mappery
Today is a special holiday for the BIKE GODS: it's their Independence Day, when they celebrate their Declaration of Independence from the oppressive Flat-Footed Empire, thousands of years ago. In this momentous historical document, the BIKE GODS of the era asserted their "right of revolution" — that is, the right to ride two revolving wheels:
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all BIKE GODS are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Bikes, Victory and to wear shorts of Bagginess.
Chief among their specific complaints was the Empire's practice of collecting taxes on wheels while simultaneously prohibiting them from spinning. The phrase "No taxation without rotation!" became popular among the BIKE GODS of the time. This discontent ultimately led to the Revolutionary War — the fight for the right to revolve — and the creation of the famous document.
The timely invention of spoked wheels with knobby tires gave those ancient BIKE GODS a decided advantage in the War, allowing them to conduct raids from the hills while the red-coated FlatFeet marched as sitting ducks in the lowlands.
Today, the traditional BIKE GOD celebration calls for a ride early in the day, followed by fireworks in the evening. The fireworks often follow a radial pattern in honor of the spokes that helped them win their independence so many thousands of years ago.
Returning to Peters Canyon for the first time in 9 years, the BIKE GODS prepare for their celebratory ride. And indeed, today is cause for extra celebration, as we have two newcomers joining us. It's only the second time in the modern BIKE GOD era that 5 riders have participated in a BIKE GOD ride. Of course, in the ancient times, BIKE GOD rides of hundreds or more were not uncommon. But those records were lost in the great BIKE GOD disaster of 1842.
Byondo and Zippy MacPhee show Helmetless Bob the way through Peters Canyon. So far he's doing well, despite the lack of protection. This early section of trail is pretty easy; we suspect he'll be pining for headgear when he hits Big Red.
Byondo leads the charge toward the first big challenge of the day: Thrash Mountain. It's been nearly nine years since the BIKE GODS relentlessly attacked this beast, ultimately bending its mighty slope to their will. The three seasoned BIKE GODS fully expect to conquer this brute of a hill, but how will our new friends hold up?
Emerging at the top of Thrash Mountain unscathed, our group prepares to head deeper into the Canyon. Zippy MacPhee adopts his trademark out-of-the-clips pedaling stance. Negatory is still Not pictured. You might say he really likes to be in front of the camera. Not.
Ah, there he is, and looking good for his first ride with the BIKE GODS! But he takes one look at Big Red, off in the distance, and proclaims "I am Not doing that hill!"
As is so often the case when the course heads into the mountains, the peloton is ripped apart. Zippy and Byondo impressively lead the three BIKE GODS up Big Red at a punishing pace, but Helmetless Bob, who gave it a go, is paying the price. He's surely now wishing he had a helmet to give him that extra little bit of energy to climb.
Meanwhile, Negatory stays true to his word, choosing Not to attempt this monster. He'll meet us around the other side.
Byondo and HB take a quick rest at this giant bollard.
Then it's onward and upward. Z-Mac, sensing that H-Bob still needs a bit of a break, leads the way by walking him up and around the waterbars — a particularly difficult section of trail that can only be successfully ridden by the most skilled of BIKE GODS.
The climbing group pauses to take in the scenery while Air Mapster proves, once again, that he was really here. A small hidden treasure is found underneath this bench.
After reuniting the full group at the bottom of the hill, Z-Mac and Mapster decide to extend their ride while the others head back to prepare for the evening's festivities. Here, we see Zippy zip up the hill as if it didn't exist. These photos were taken just an instant apart!
It's one more loop around the park for Air Mapster and Zippy MacPhee. Today's celebration has them in such a jovial mood that they decide to smack down Thrash Mountain again before heading off to join the others for more merriment and observance of this great day.
